Have You Ever???
| We all have had times in our lives where we hoped we could be invisible or at least be able to transport ourselves from one place to another to avoid various situations. Yet, sometimes there appears to be no way out. | |
Good. You're still here. I work in a cubicle workplace so most conversations, sneezes, coughs, etc. are shared with all around me. Therefore, there is a certain etiquette that should be followed. Almost all of us have been struck by an urge so strong that it would seem like there is no way we will ever be able to escape the sure embarrassment by the assault we are about to launch on our unwitting neighbors. Gas, suddenly forming out of nowhere but, with the presence of a Forth of July finale. Faced with that dilemma, I rose slowly, gently from my chair so as not to jostle my delicate and seemingly rapidly enlarging cargo. All is well as I glided toward the opening of my cube toward my hopeful refuge, the restroom.
Walking lightly as though I am carrying a load of nitro glycerine, I turn the corner and start down an aisle that seems to my lengthening while I travel. I'm looking down at my shoes as though I'm deep in thought so that, hopefully, no one will take this opportunity to ask me a question unaware that any delay in my journey could be potentially fatal. I'm wondering to myself why we think that walking on our tip-toes delays anything, but I'm starting to feel like a ballerina. I turn the corner and to my delight, it's a straight shot to the restroom and what I am anticipating, relief.
Through the door I go and there, by the sink washing their hands are two of my fellow cubers and another standing at an urinal. Drats!! So I dash into a stall, close the door and could no longer contain the now mammoth accumulation of natural resources that have accumulated in my limited storage facility.
As it begins, I pray that the innocent audience will at best ignore the on coming concert or at least think that it might be coming from the stall down from mine. Now, I'm not a young man and have been faced with similar situations plenty of times before, but the significance of this event I would need to consider as world class. Not thinking I might need to time it for a spot in the Guiness book, I was trying to control it as best I could to prevent setting off alarms or damaging my surroundings. But, never the less, the onslaught continued. I've begun to perspire in my effort to avoid injury as it would seem I am producing more product than I can release. I hear the door close as the two fellows finished their work, but I heard another enter almost immediately. I then heard the latch of my stall mate open as he finishes his work. My event continues as I slowly, but certainly displace all the air in the shared room. Non-stop. Absolutely no pauses. Just a cacophony of sound as I begin to span several octaves. First low, then high, then midrange, but all without interruption.
Finally the nirvana of total evacuation. The deafening silence, except for the newest visitor in the chamber that was now devoid
of any breathable air. Sweat trickling down my forehead, I realized I had quit breathing sometime during the debacle. I being breathing lightly,
through my mouth and quietly waited until the only other visitor to this camber of certain death. Finally, the final possible witness is leaving.
A deep breath and I head back to my cube to contemplate the fiasco that had just occurred. As I returned to my seat, my cube neighbor asks, "
Are you OK?". I simply said, "I'm fine" as I sure didn't want to ask, "Why do you ask?"